Mom Guilt

I used to struggle with mom guilt A LOT. To the point where it would almost eat me up inside. A situation would happen with the kids, tempers would flare, sometimes I would lose my cool, even scream...

Let’s talk about mom guilt for a minute…

I used to struggle with mom guilt A LOT. To the point where it would almost eat me up inside.
A situation would happen with the kids, tempers would flare, sometimes I would lose my cool, even scream. There were times when I even ended up in tears in the bathroom.
Especially when they were both under three years old...there were a lot of days with tears.
And all these emotional times had one common thread: not living up to some unrealistic expectation of “perfection” I had created for myself.

I felt guilt:

• For letting my emotions get the best of me.

• For feeling overwhelmed.

• For feeling like I wasn’t good enough.

• Because I didn’t think I could give my kids what they needed.
  

I beat myself up constantly. I had this vision in my head of how everything should go, and when I didn’t go that way, I would often blame myself.

I’ve come along way since then and I’m able to recognize when the mom guilt starts creeping in. With the help of a few personal development books and my new therapist, (that sounds so cliché, but it’s true) I’ve been able to stop myself from feeling so much guilt and instead ask myself a few simple questions while reminding myself of a few qualities of being “human”:

So what if you didn’t do everything perfectly?

SO WHAT?!? The world didn’t end. We are all just trying to do our best each day. Nobody is perfect. We are imperfect beings who make mistakes and then learn from them. Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to try again.

What if your BBF came to you with this same scenario?! What would you tell her? Tell yourself the same.

Do you need a break?

If you need a few moments to breathe, gather your thoughts, and calm down, then put yourself in a time out in the bathroom to ensure that the situation does not escalate anymore.
You do not want to regret words spoken in the heat of the moment or having a tantrum like a 3 year old because you aren’t ready to be calm.

When all else fails, hug it out. A simple “I’m sorry. Mommies make mistakes too” can do wonders for everyone.

Mamas, I know there are so many moments in life where the guilt creeps in - some justifiably so and others because of this Pinterest world we live in. But what use is it to beat ourselves up?!
What good can come from it? So let go of whatever unrealistic expectations you may have set for yourself and make more room for forgiveness and grace. Together we can do this if we just keep reminded one another. We ARE good enough.

Selfcare and being your best self go hand in hand. And sometimes prioritizing self-care may mean making sacrifices or that other things fall off your to-do list for the day. Maybe that the pile of laundry isn’t folded. So what.

Maybe the dust is visible and the dishes are piling up in the sink. Who cares. Nobody is going to come and take you away for domestic duties that take longer than you “think” they are supposed to. Many times we set these parameters for ourselves to maintain perfection in all areas of our lives in order to have “a good day” or a day where you “got a lot done”.

Well guess what?!? That laundry or those dishes don’t matter. But you living a healthy life these next 20 years does. You being around for your kids does. You being happy and comfortable in your own skin does. The to-do list can wait, but your mental health cannot.

So how do you find balance?

Maybe you invest in a Roomba vacuum to vacuum for you so that you have that extra 20-30 minutes a day to workout, meditate, write in a journal, read a good book, or take a long hot bath.

Maybe you go to sleep 30 minutes earlier so you can wake up and start your day with quiet time to clear your mind.

Find ways to carve out time for you. And you will be living your BEST LIFE even if that laundry is all piled up in the corner.